So I am always the friend willing to listen, girlfriend issues, boyfriend issues, marriage issues. You name it I have heard it. Its been a while since I gave some hardcore relationship advice on the blog. Today I want to share my very humble opinion on why I think relationships don't work.
#1 Getting way to comfortable:
People forget to care about the details. Its that simple. I often hear the words "he/she just started being lazy in the relationship" with it going into more details like " when I met him he always took care of himself/ when I met her she used to dress up and care about what I thought". Trust me when I say this that kind of laziness can get super annoying when its not a once in a while kind of thing. Its very awesome when you can just let you hair (no offence bald guys reading this, you know what I mean) down, but don't forget that sassy self love is what got them to stop and get to know you. Lil Wayne said it " DON'T EVER GET TO COMFORTABLE". Don't all of a sudden think you can go from a sexy confident put together man/women to hobo I ain't washed in a week etc and still have the person you with think damn I still want you. You changed so now your person will change, its just the way things work.
#2 Taking the good things for granted:
I once heard guy say "I don't want to cook for my women because I am afraid she will stop cooking for me on a regular basis." in my mind I was like whaaaaaat *insert confused look here*. Let me just say this nothing is sexier than having a man cook for you. Its also kind of disturbing knowing that if a women is good to you then you will actually stop being good to her. Now it goes both ways like a women who has a man who goes that extra mile for her, he buys you flowers, organizes romantic gestures and you never stop to even acknowledge it? stop that crazy behavior right this second. Taking things for granted = RESENTMENT!
 |
| ~I have to agree with miss Liebenberg~ |
#3 Not thinking about the person you with:
Every relationship is different but the fundamental parts are the same, two people who met each other and felt so happy that their hearts did a happy dance and tummy's done back flips. Lets go back to the very first chat you had "so what are your interests?" or "what are your do's and don'ts" or "what are your deal breakers?" do you see a pattern ? that getting to know each other part is what got you blissfully through the honey moon phase. Honeymoon phase ends and couples think oh now its time for me to "just be me" because now we in love. No! guys in my past have been dumped for the same deal breakers I told them about in that first conversation. To me getting lazy in the relationship is one of my deal breakers. Only because in time I have learned when people stop working at the relationship it will not last.
Simply put its about constant work, any couple in a healthy happy relationship will tell you that. Its really easy getting into a lazy rut, but if you want your relationship to last you have to work on it. Be nice to each other, keep doing special things for each other and if both parties want to be in the relationship you should be good to go. Let me end this post with these lyrics "I'm not saying this to shake you up, I'm just saying this to wake you up."
So here's a question for you, why do you think relationships just stop working?
~Disclaimer: I am not a relationship therapist or guru.~
~Image credit: world tour stories~
Great points Meghan! I agree with you, both men and women give up on trying to keep the sparks alive and become lazy. We should always keep the fire works going:-)))
ReplyDeleteThose are really good points! In my opinion, relationships stop working because of a lack of communication. You shouldn't bury your feelings or not say what's bothering you about that person because you're scared, in the end, you'll start focusing on all the bad traits and forget about the good ones and in turn, you're not giving the person a chance to accomodate you. That's what a relationship is, give and take. You give some and you take some. It's all about team work and being with someone who is on your team and wants to be there! Even when you get married, you're still in a relationship and the situation might have changed but the foundation should always be the same. If you root your relationship solidly, then you can overcome anything, together.
ReplyDeletegreat review....youre a good friend, your friends are blessed!
ReplyDeletehttp://sepatuholig.blogspot.com/
Great post, luckily we're eachother's best friends and we'd do anything for eachother so it works really well!
ReplyDeletewww.makeupmonster.ie
Because people stop working on the relationship!
ReplyDeletehttp://johced-ourjourneytoeverywhere.blogspot.com/
xxx
Love this! Love when my boyfriend cooks for me! I think relationships stop working because of ourselves. We stop doing the little things that we did in the beginning, the things that brought us together and closer in the first place, and communication. Talk speak, don't hold back when you have something to say. Great post, Meghan!
ReplyDeletexoxo.
www.kierramakayla.blogspot.com
Love this!!
ReplyDeleteI think oftentimes relationships fail because two people are trying to force something that was never going to work in the first place. People desire different levels of closeness and I think very frequently those levels differ in romantic relationships, but people fail to see that this is as much an incompatibility as anything (perhaps MORE of an incompatibility than many things). I think too often we tell people there is a certain perfect amount of "healthy" need for closeness or space and everyone should just try to fit into this mold to be dateable. the fact of the matter is, however, some people need to be very close to their partners, while others need their space. there's nothing inherently unhealthy about either one, but since society has this view that everyone SHOULD fall somewhere in the middle people tend to ignore what they really want (whether that be space or closeness) in favor of feeling "normal." The problem with this is that there isn't actually a "normal," some people need closeness and some need distance and all of it happens to varying degrees on a spectrum. Too often I think people try to demand more closeness or distance from their partners claiming something is "normal" when truthfully making such demands is an attempt to change a person as much as anything else. When people try to change each other, we all know how that turns out.
Such a thought provoking post Meghan! I might actually have to take my comment and run with it over on my blog later this week. You really got me thinking!
<3becky
www.loosefromthezoo.com
Totally agree with your points here- you can't get lazy/expect a relationship just to work on its own, you have to constantly put in the effort + keep it fresh! :)
ReplyDelete-Ashley
http://lestylorouge.com
I've been very lucky in my relationship with my husband - it's hard to say what makes relationships fail, for me, but I think at least at times it has to do with the fact that people are looking for a relationship more than they are looking for a partner, someone to fill a hole in their life rather than someone who will add something positive to it. Just my two cents :)
ReplyDeletexox,
Cee
www.cocoandvera.com
Great words of advice here Meghan.
ReplyDeleteI think people are too quick to just give up and not work on any problems that may arise. It seems to be an emerging trend coming from a generation where instant gratification is the norm.
Lovely work as always!
XX
Cocktails & Memories
http://cocktailsandorgies.blogspot.com
i think laziness is definitely a huge factor and something ive experienced. relationships take hard work and effort. you have to put some time into nurturing the relationship like you did at the beginning when you were getting to know each other if things are going to work out long term. and spending quality time together. i think i would tell all couples. no laptops or phones inbed! unless you are watching a movie together. lol
ReplyDeleteIsabel @ Walk of Fashion
This is true. I recently moved back with my long term boyfriend. We broke up because of those exact reasons. Getting too comfortable - huge mistake and getting too self absorbed? That's even worse! I decided to really, really work hard at it this time. Thank you so much for this well written + thought provoking blog-post. xoxo
ReplyDeletePeople become selfish and stop thinking about their partner. It's all about me me and me. The trust and the understanding goes in the bin. You don't value the person until he/she's gone
ReplyDeleteNaaj Ronas Lifestyle
I agree with everything you said! I'm in a long-term relationship, and we went through a time where we had gotten lazy in the relationship and it caused problems. Since then we've gotten so much better at always communicating, doing more fun things together, and just being excited about being with one another...and it's been wonderful!
ReplyDelete~Jacy
Sometimes relationships stop working because the truth surfaces and things they thought they could work on don't work anymore - and then the couple realises that they have different priorities and have no choice but to part ways.
ReplyDeleteEdita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk
This is a super interesting post. I am married now, and marriage is hard work in itself especially when you have a toddler. LOL! I think relationships stop working if people don't ever get past the fact that the honeymoon phase is just a honeymoon phase and once it is over, there is no going back. Reality sets in, and you see the person for all they are (good and bad), and if you can deal and put up with the bad and still love the person, then the relationship will last. It won't last if you hold the person on the pedestal you held them on when they were nothing but perfect and did all the right things people do when they are trying to get people to fall in love with them. That is my outlook and I am married and have dealt with lots of honeymoon phases and it took me to meet my husband to realize that once it was over, I still loved him even when reality set in and knew that he loved me no matter what through thick and thin and that is what keeps it going strong. Sure, every marriage goes through ups and downs, but that is marriage or any relationship. It is certainly a lot of work being in a relationship and when you stop working on it, it suffers, just like any job does too. Have a nice weekend and loved this post, as I have thought about this often and truly think it is the honeymoon phase the messes a lot of women in particular up once their men are all normal and lazy and doing what most men do and that is be lazy and get too comfortable. Boring!
ReplyDeletexx Easy Outfits, by Pip