There's so many things that changed for me about how I look at and am in relationships. Before it was all about love and my so very extremely handsome and charming bfs. But the truth is my tolerance for drama was nearly zero. Drama occurred and I was out. Like pack up and move to a new city out!!!. Things seriously changed these last four years. I no longer just focus on looks, it's all about kindness, being there for me and meaning what you say and saying what you mean. I have also started to see my qualities and how I have grown over the years.
Below are lessons I learned about myself, love and what I look for in a partners. Hope you enjoy reading them.
- I give as much trust as earned. Before I blindly trusted and would dismiss the signs. These days my intuition is my best guidance
- I have realized I can handle a ton of drama but that doesn't mean I want it as a part of my life.
- Romance is greatly important to me. Flowers, candle lit dinners, cuddles, surprises they mean the world to me.
- I selfishly want to be your number one chick. Yes if you have a kid I understand fully his extremely important and that's very much fine, because he should be the world to you. But I want to feel that I am more important than your ex or your drinks with the boys. Now let me be clear I'm not saying you never allowed to have friends. I'm saying make me your priority, I don't ever want to be forced to compete or even worse tossed aside for another woman.
- I have learned the art of compromising and also the lessons. Compromise only works when both parties follow the agreement. It shouldn't be "hey babe can I do a boys trip on our anniversary but I promise then next weekend we will do something romantic." He heads away and you have this amazing compromise but the next weekend it's another night out with the guys asking you to compromise again. (This is why point 1 is so important to me)
- Relationships are meant to be a two way street. One person cannot always be at the receiving end, that only leads to resentment .
- Men are meant to make you feel safe. From everything! if he can't do that in any form... Well red flag!
- I've learned I like my freedom. I want to feel committed and loved but I also want to feel the freedom to be me.
- I've learned I cater to my mans needs (but then again that's something I have always done.) But I even do things which I'd never do in the past. In Bart's old place he had no washing machine there was many times I washed his socks, clothes and linen by hand in his kitchen sink. Scrubbed his floors, cooked and got dressed up. All to make him happy.
- Celebrating important things like Christmas, birthdays, Easter, long weekends those are so important to me. Those are perfect opportunities to start designing your new life together.
- I am a modern day good woman. I pay all my own bills yet cook and clean for the guy I'm with. Yip totally tooting my own horn if I don't who will?
- Even though I have proven I can endure struggles. I now know a life for me is more a middle class. Since truthfully I am able to provide that for myself all on my own. I love seeing growth and that things are improving (We cannot still be eating pap everyday for the next 20 years, I want sushi and burgers too). That you have ambitions for a better life, home and experiences. Finding someone who gets that is a total win for me.
- I've realized a long time ago it's not only okay but also extremely crucial to have standards and to never ever sacrifice those standards unless they improve your life.
- Acceptance is the most beautiful part of love. Without it, it will never work.
- I was once told a woman like me wants to have her man make her world comfortable. I sat back and thought about this, truth is I am already comfortable. What I want from a man is to feel loved, safe at all times, acceptance and someone who cares about me, is a rock of support when I need him and sees us growing old together. In brief I need what I give myself but also the companionship I cannot give myself.
- You both have to bring something to the table.
- A mistake made more than once is not a mistake, that's when it becomes a decision. Pay attention to those repeat "mistakes".
- I've learned I can forego hearing the words I love you daily. I would rather feel the love daily.
- The best quote I have ever read about relationships is "No woman is enough for a man who is not ready." I truly believe this is true.
- Be true to yourself in every relationship you go into. Yes its great to work on the bad habits you have, we all have them. But the minute your partner is trying to change every detail of who you are like your smile, your favorite type of food, your hair, job, personality. Explain that it makes you feel unaccepted and see if they back off. If it persists by all means move on. You not someones project. You shouldn't feel like you living the movie "She's all that."
What has been your greatest love lesson or even a personal lesson that you have learned?
Have a wonderful Thursday!