*I really have gone back and forth about hitting the publish button on this post. Not for the fear that I will feel ashamed or its over share, more the fact that from going from an abusive,cheating relationship I started noticing guys I was giving my time to tended to treat me like trash... no matter what they did they were like "at least I didn't cheat etc." So putting this one incident out there that hurt me, its like I don't want any guy to think... well she took that so anything I do is fine. I read and awesome quote on instagram (not yet following? be sure to follow @MeghanSSilva ) "Once you let a motherf...er slide, they start FIGURE skating" this made me totally laugh and nod my head. But anyway I am putting my big girl panties on and just want to motivate you with a personal lesson in love and let you all know, you not alone in this rough dating world. I hope you enjoy this honest post.
Often we are so afraid of asking questions because of what the answers might be. Its like we feel safe in misty make belief world. I learned the very hard way to embrace the answers and the clarity it brings. I was once in a situation where the guy I was with asked me to give him time to think and not contact him for a weekend, specifically the Sunday. This time co-incided with a trip to an area nearby where his ex lived and around my birthday, so all the red flags went off. I knew it was not going to be a good response so I tried not to ask any questions, I didn't want to seem difficult, needy or god forbid insecure (the words men love to use when silencing their woman). The next day he had "moved on" back to his ex and sent me a "i'm back with my ex ... move on don't ever contact me again, she is better than you, she has two foreign rich men after her and blah blah blah" did I mention it was around my birthday, he hadn't messaged me any happy birthday, no gift or gesture nada but had taken the time to mend fences.
He had actually taken her away on a fancy holiday and wanted to see if it could work with her. Did that hurt, hell yes. Even though he came running back literally the next day, no lies and I am super proud I never ever messaged him those pitty, why? please stay with me messages. The thing I was more angry about is not having the courage to say "are you seeing her? or why are you being distant even though you wanted to a week earlier have a group dinner party for my birthday? or even can you just say are we over or not? or why can I never call you on trips to certain areas?".
Instead of patiently waiting for him, just hoping he'd have a heart (my expectation bar was literally set so low I would've even settled for one "happy birthday, have a good one whatsapp") I would of been prepared. I would have enjoyed my birthday. I could have been having fun. The lesson in all that heartache is now I ask the tough questions. I Follow my instincts and embrace the concept that I know exactly what is happening instead of getting a random message and not being prepared. I must say that was definitely the greatest lesson in love I have learned to date. Be brave enough to ask what you need to ask. You have a right to know every detail of what you getting yourself into. Its not called insecure, like men love throwing that word around, its actually called self respect. Valuing yourself enough to have a basic standard of how you wish to be treated.
I would love to hear what your greatest lesson in love have been, because seriously I'd rather learn every now and then from others "trials and errors". I hope my little lesson in love will make the next woman wiser... know what I mean girl friend, so share share share that wisdom and to all my lovely ladies out there... happy women's day & women's month!!!
~Image credit: Taru Tuomi~