So if you read the title and thought I'll be giving you tons of answers you wrong, i'm sorry, instead I will tell you a bit about my experience and when I say experience I mean how I feel I lost myself haha. Let me start at the beginning for my very new readers. I took some time (a verrrrrrry long time) from dating I loved being single but then I met a wonderful man and just like that I felt like I was totally off the wagon. So while having a drink with a very good mate, we started chatting about why on earth this happened to me. A strong, independent women who had molded her life exactly how she wanted it to be.
Firstly I have always looked at my bf and thought how is it that he just never seems unbalanced and the only conclusion I have come up with is he still does all of the things he did before me. Like sit on his phone for hours chatting to mates, totally still browsing through naughty pics, chatting to females at parties and going out clubbing as usual just to name a few. So when explaining this fustration I was feeling to my mate I kept saying I just always feel guilty. I limit everything I do from watching series to going clubbing with my girls and guys because I feel so guilty."Guilty of what" my mate said. I simply replied "that I wasn't giving him my undivided attention and because I hate it when he does it to me". He replied "Meghan that is madness, live your damn life how you chose because tomorrow Bart leaves and you will be left with nothing to hold on to, not even your sense of self". He is absolutely right!
Now I know I am not the only women who has felt this way or who has been in this situation. You stop going out because you are afraid you'll be occupied if the new man in your life decides he wants to see you. You to afraid to chill on your phone while getting majorly aggravated that his knee deep in phone time. You just stop doing tons of things you enjoyed pre the bf. You avoid any guys who even give you a friendly hi (I see you nodding your head). Crazy enough while I was single my advice to ALL my mates were "don't lose yourself just because you found someone". Lo and behold I find myself in this exact situation.
My theory is women like me feel like we have to make these huge silent statements to the boyfriend or girlfriend (whichever way you prefer). Only to find guys don't even notice it and guys don't even care about it. Which is why most times in a healthy relationship the guy is really happy whereas the women feels like she wants to throttle the guy in her life. But if she was on her phone chatting and catching up, she wouldn't even notice that her bf is on his phone. If she was out for dinner having a genuinely good time she wouldn't even notice if he did or didn't call. If they went clubbing and she was as open to the opposite sex's attention she wouldn't get so mad.
I put my theory to test over the weekend. I had a total blast, the bf was out and about loving his freedom, I didn't even notice it until I got home yesterday. I didn't even think about anything weird why? because I was having so much fun, when we spoke it was blissful and sweet. I was so busy enjoying my life the way I want, when I want that I couldn't spare a second to worry about things I couldn't control. So on this note what I can say is something I have said to so many friends "DON'T lose yourself just because you found someone"!
Reality is when it comes to dating, deep down inside you have to be okay with knowing that if you guys didn't make it you will still be good on your own. This doesn't mean take your partner for granted, I will actually say be the best gf or bf you can possibly be because nothing is worse than regrets. So treat your loved one right first time around, 2nd chances are never guaranteed. Be good to them so that if ever it was to end you can say "I gave it my best" and walk away. But just don't lose yourself because you found someone. *wink wink*
I hope this very text heavy post helped someone in my exact situation.
May your relationship blossom and if it didn't work out and you feel lost I hope you move on, find all the things that once made you happy and just enjoy life because.... YOLO!